Incidental Acts of Spontaneous Cerebral Violence

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

Aloha, Mr. Hand.

Tomorrow evening I will have the distinct pleasure of seeing "The Assassination of Richard Nixon" in the company of its star. I'm more than a little excited. And actually a little bit scared. Now, I've seen Sean Penn on many occasions, but never actually met him. Tomorrow will be a fairly intimate setting and I'm sure I will have the opportunity to chat him up.

The big conundrum is what I can possibly ask him that will be conversationally compelling yet innocuous enough so that he doesn't CRUSHâ„¢ me with his death rays (or just fucking deck me for mere sport):

Do I ask him if being the best American actor under 45 really gets him that much more pussy than 67 year-old Jack Nicholson?

Or do I ask him if he and Robin dress up as Buttercup and the Dread Pirate Roberts when they're being naughty?

Or perhaps I should ask him if it's really true that he based his "i am sam" role on his brother?

Actually, I've always wondered whether Nick Cage let Sean pet his Oscar after beating him in 1996.

Bottom line--

I think I'll just ask him what it's like to be the coolest motherfucker on the planet since Miles.

Unless someone has a better idea ...

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