Uch

Malaise

In bed the other night, I watched the movie "Miranda" with Christina Ricci and a slick John Hurt. Although generally unremarkable, I actually stayed awake for the whole thing. (No, Showtime did not precede the film with either an "N" or, my favorite, "SSC".) Ricci plays a bit of a femme fatale con-woman type (Hurt is her svengali) who hooks up with a wallflower English librarian guy. She plays the cliched mysterious dominant woman role to his meek/enraptured puppy dog. She comes and goes. They have adventures. It is sort of quirky. Sort of noirish. And not realistic at all. She never would have fallen for him. She would've eaten him for lunch. Used him for her benefit. Fucked him. Hid out with him. And left him for good at the first opportunity. And she definitely wouldn't have used some cheeseball dialogue if she wanted a piece (approximated):

Her: "I don't want sex."
Him: "That's o.k. I like to know a girl before I sleep with her."
Her: "Know a girl? Like how?"
Him: "As in a 'what's your favorite color?' kind of way."

They fall asleep on the couch.

She awakens after a time and looks over at him.

Her: "My favorite color is blue."

-CUT TO-

His bare ass bouncing up & down between her thighs, followed by his head buried under her skirt. "Do you want me to stop?" Between moans: "No, no . . . keep going, don't stop."

Nope. This woman would have simply turned to him and said: "Fuck me. Now. And make it good." And he would've complied. Done anything she wanted. And slept in the wet spot or on the floor.

Now why did I remember all this and type it out? No fucking clue. Just sort-of remembered it. Actually there was a question he asked her "the morning after" that's stuck with me and was the original catalyst for this post (paraphrasing):

"Do you ever feel that we are fated to do what we do, but, looking back at it, we would never do those things if we had the choice?"

I don't know why this line has stuck with me and caused me to actually reflect. I don't in fact believe in fate or destiny. Maybe I just believe in regret. That's the problem with memory. While you may learn from the past and try not to repeat it, ultimately, the past foundationally defines who, where and what you are. You are your past. And that can't be changed.