Uch

The worst, Jerry, the worst

Tomorrow, Wilson Phillips will release their first new album (“California”) in ten years. It is entirely a collection of classic (e.g., The Beach Boys, The Mamas & The Papas, Jackson Browne, The Byrds, etc.) covers: Already Gone; Go Your Own Way; Turn! Turn! Turn!; Monday, Monday; Doctor My Eyes; In My Room; etc.

Without ever hearing a note of this CD, I thought I could safely guarantee that it would soon be playing in an elevator near you. Upon listening to Sony’s 30 second snippets of “Go Your Own Way” and “Already Gone,” I can definitively tell you that this album will be on “continuous repeat” mode for all of those poor souls stuck in hell.

The recipe: Take a bunch of arguably classic pop songs, add saccharinely cloying trio harmonies and the most innocuous Muzak-inspired arrangements imaginable and you get what may be the worst album from “name” musicians since Traveling Wilbury’s, Vol. 3. (I choose to pretend that Van Halen III never occurred.) Although All Music Guide gives “California” 3 (out of 5) stars, the review does not jive with the rating:

[“In My Room”] is very simple and moving and points to a problem the rest of the record has, namely a bloodless, sterile feel that comes from the slick production and overly safe sound. . . . [T]he songs are sunk by over-cooked arrangements. Producer Peter Asher goes for an ultra-modern processed sound that makes it sound like the girls are merely singing updated karoke versions of the old hits. The cover of Linda Ronstadt's version of You're No Good is the worst offender with its very cheesy synth drums and the shredding guitar sounds . . . .

With drivel like this being released week after week (e.g., see Alanis, Avril, and The Cardigans), it’s no wonder the music industry can’t create a sustainable business model (or any buzz, for that matter) to save its ass.