Uch

Apple????

I never thought that I would ever say anything positive (albeit in context) regarding Bruce & Demi, however Rumer, Scout LaRue & Tallulah Belle are certainly less cacophonic than Apple:

Hey, App . . . get your arse down here for dinner!
Apple, how many times do I have to tell you?! No PSP until you finish your homework!
Apple, I told you to stop bothering Mr. Affleck.
Apple, honey, will you please put down Mommy's Oscar?

And that's without all of those dreadful Eden possibilities:

Yo, Apple. Have I got a snake for you . . .

To top it all off the name's not even that original: A cursory public record search revealed two previous Apple Martins, in Kentucky and Louisiana. Kentucky & Louisiana. It figures.

The Apple of Gwyneth's Eye